World without mama

A story worth sharing ...

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:
"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries.

After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee.

Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say.....

I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacifi ed and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in h is room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why haven't you appear?

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....

For the females with children:

Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable.

Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first.

With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

Touch a Life

Used vs Loved

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4-year-old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car.

In anger, the man took the child's hand hit it many times, not realising he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father with painful eyes, he asked, "Daddy, when will my fingers grow back?"

The man was so hurt and speechless, he went back to his car and kicked it whole lot of times. Devastated by his own actions, sitting in front of that car, he looked at the scratches that the child had made, "LOVE YOU DAD".

The next day, that man committed suicide.......

Anger and love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful and lovely life.......

Things are to be used and people to be loved.

But the problem in today's world is that, people are used, and things are loved.

Throughout our lives, let us bear in mind: People are to be loved...........

Always remember.....

Watch your thoughts, they become words;
Watch your words, they becomes actions;
Watch your actions, they become habits;
Watch your habits, they become character;
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

the Bamboo School

Vivian spent a wonderful trip visiting this Bamboo School with her friend, Sendy from Mexico.

I call this a Mission,
a powerful life experience,
a paradigm shift to the mind and soul
and a Lifetime experience.

that not many will come face this challenge.

the Bamboo School is located in a remote mountain village of BongTi at the border of Thailand and Myanmar. The distance by bus will take 7 hours including stops along the way from Bangkok to Kancanaburi and finally at BongTi.

the Bamboo School serves as a hospital, orphanage and mobile clinic and ambulance services to the unreachable, the Karen Hill Tribe People.

It currently house 63 residents, many of them orphaned, abused, medically challenged, retarded, or refugees. the Bamboo School is managed by a New Zealand missionary teacher, Catherine Riley-Bryan or fondly called Momocat. Please click here for details information pertaining to the history of the Bamboo School.

I am glad that Vivian is able to leave a mark at one point in life, exposing herself to the extreme world of hardcore poverty, see for real a child fighting thru acute medical condition and responding to emergency situation at one of the most remote highlands in the world. Gaining strength, love and compassion and enrich her life thru this basic environment. This is God's Gift, I say.



Share out below are the photos taken during the trip:

The extreme left is the bus that travels from Kancanaburi to BongTi

On the right is Vivian and Sendy from Mexico, both were school mates at the Mission College in Thailand

On the hilly road to BongTi

On arrival

These are the beds for both of them, Vivian said it is so comfortable to sleep on after 7 grueling hours on the road and changing 5 types of public transports to reach the destination

This is Momocat, a nurse by Profession and the caretaker of the Bamboo School.
Salute to her dedication and devotion

This is how it works, back to nature

Volunteers from all over the world coming to give helping hands to Momocat

The baby sleeping on the floor is Beka, her mother walked six days from the border to the Bamboo School to deliver her and left soon after


This girl, Dokmai was found in a dustbin and brought to the Bamboo School

This the hospital side of the Bamboo School


This is the emergency vehicle to send sickly children to the most nearby hospital, it is also a school bus, a transport to pick volunteers from the airport if timing is matched

A place where the elder ones look after the juniors

Little John is blind, deaf and mute, also a celebral palsy boy who half paralysed. His only senses is to feel the surroundings with touches

Mother nature will provide drinking cup, you need not bother to bring one from home

The Seventh Day Adventist Church

Back to the bus stop at Bong Ti

Packed to the brim, travelling back to Bangkok

Exhausted it may be but fulfilling mission accomplished!

Great Job Sendy for taking Vivian to a new horizon!

You are my Rocky！

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!”

Wishing everyone a great start of the year 2010!